Why Megan Lawless is our latest ‘Obsession’

This interview has been edited for clarity and length.

Zachary Lee: I love thinking about how costuming helps an actor’s character. Can you talk about collaborating with costume designer Blair James to craft Sarah’s look?
Megan Lawless: It’s funny because I made a “before and after” video about becoming Sarah, and I don’t think a lot of people realized I cut my hair for the role. I was watching my audition tape back, and my hair’s longer, I don’t have the septum piercing or the tattoos, and I remember trying to interpret how Sarah would dress because my personal style felt very different from the character.

In my tape, I wore this outfit, and it’s so in line with what Blair ended up dressing me in later and envisioned. In my tape, my instinct was that Sarah would wear a bunch of jewelry, and I was actually wearing a little skirt that was the dark pink, purple-ish color that Sarah wears in the trivia scene. I was also wearing this cream cardigan that echoes a bit of what I would wear at the trivia bar.

It made me very happy that my instincts about how Sarah would dress and the way we interpreted Curry's words in the script aligned with what Blair saw as well. It was so fun working with Blair because we're the same age and she knows what young people my age are wearing, and she has great personal style. She said, “I'm dressing you like a cool girl from Silver Lake."

ZL: I will say, at the trivia scene in particular, Sarah is definitely the most glammed up.
ML: I think that is reflective of Sarah’s artistic qualities. At that trivia scene, Nikki doesn’t care about dressing up for Ian, and she isn’t interested in Bear, so she just dresses casually. I interpret that Sarah is always trying to make a good impression when she's near him.

ZL: I imagine wearing the septum piercing must have been interesting, given the fate of your character.
ML: The septum piercing was very cool, but I will be honest, it was a little uncomfortable. It's like having something tickle the inside of your nose at all times. I didn't mind wearing it, but it’s funny because in my final scene, when I'm slamming my head into the foam brick, that was irritating the septum.

ZL: I know that we don’t get a mention of Sarah’s mom in the film. I’m wondering if you developed a backstory for her, and if there was any channeling of your relationship with your mom when you were fleshing out the dynamic between you and your onscreen father.
ML: That’s interesting. I do have a very close relationship with both my mom and my dad, and they support me with all their heart. It is very important to me that they are proud of me, and I know how much they have sacrificed for me to pursue my endeavors. It's not pressure, but I want to make them proud. I want to make all of their sacrifices worthwhile and take full advantage of the resources they've given me and pay them back eventually. I think that is something that is critical to Sarah because clearly she has a good relationship with her dad and he supports her, but also I think she feels this pressure to make him proud.

ZL: There are these moments of vulnerability where you allow a bit of Sarah’s interiority to break through. For all of her steeliness, I’m struck by that line, “This is what I get for being such a f*cker in high school.”
ML: In that scene, it was written that Sarah cries. I cried in my audition tape, and in my callback, and then on the day, I was just kind of thinking through once I had gotten more of an understanding of Sarah, how she unravels, how she navigates, and shows up in the world. I didn't think it was appropriate to fully let myself cry in that scene, but you can also feel that this does mean a lot to her getting into school, and she has some shame around not "succeeding." 

I'm sure in high school, she didn't really care, and she has this "I don't give a sh*t about anything." I think there’s a piece of her that still wants to present that way, but with Bear, she can be more vulnerable.

ZL: I’m happy you mentioned that because you’ve clearly given Sarah a strong moral code. You’ve articulated that in her pivotal moment with Bear in the car, she’s not the type to kiss him, even if she is jealous and upset at Nikki.
ML: There is a theme in this film of these friends not being honest with each other. The same goes with Sarah. She could have been more forward about her feelings for Bear, for example. But if there's anyone who is the most honest and forward, in my opinion, it is Sarah.

She obviously has these feelings for Bear, but she also has loyalty to her friends. She has so much loyalty that she has been keeping the secret that Nikki and Ian have been hooking up, which is hard to navigate. It’s a difficult tension: How do you navigate being loyal to your friends when they’re all hiding things from each other? How do you keep their secrets but be honest with everyone?

ZL: What you’re saying is making me think that this friend group is arguably past its prime. It seems like the only thing that ties them together is shared history.
ML: I think they’re all at a turning point in their lives. Everyone was friends in high school, but they’re starting to change and grow, and I think if the One Wish Willow hadn't gotten involved, you would see dynamics change.

I don’t think I realized this at the time until I was watching it back, but the film is such a good depiction of young adult friendships, how messy they can be, and how relationships bring out the worst in different dynamics. Bear is obviously the villain to me, and I hate that he doesn't respect Nikki's autonomy.

At the same time, when you’re wrapped up in the web of these relational dramas that bring out the worst in each other, it’s a slippery slope. When you take a step back, you can realize these dynamics are not good and healthy, but when you’re in it, it can get so muddy.

ZL: I’m curious about your pivotal death sequence. I always want to ask actors: what’s it like to see yourself die on-screen? Can you be in the narrative moment when you’re watching it, or is your mind brought back to the technicalities of filming on set, à la septum piercing hitting the foam brick?
ML: No part of it was difficult for me to watch, honestly. I thought it was very cool. There were so many firsts for me doing that scene on a technical level that I was more in awe than anything watching it be carried out from all of the departments that helped make that scene what it was.

I was just so impressed by everyone doing their job so well because we filmed my part first, and I was watching the playback to make sure my slamming my head looked decent. I just wanted to know what it looked like. I stayed longer even after I finished my coverage because I wanted to see them put my double in the car. I loved staying to witness that scene being made past my own role in it.

ZL: Rewatching the film, the line that has stood out to me the most was what Ian says, “All you have is time.” It made me think about this balance between being proactive and being patient, and many of the bad things that happen in the film can be chalked up to this idea that we forget that we have time. I’m curious how this idea lands for you, whether in relationships or career: Where is this line between honoring your ambitions but also trusting the process?
ML: That tension is a huge theme in my life. I think this movie makes you think, “I don't want to be Bear.” I do not want to be so passive that I allow bad things to happen to myself.

As an actor, I struggle with being passive. I'm a little afraid of asking for help, of pushing and being annoying. I'm trying to fight against the people pleaser qualities in me, particularly those that keep me from taking action because I'm afraid of bothering people or hurting their feelings. 

That’s something I loved about Sarah. She has the confidence to be more forward. I am always trying to find the line in my own personal life and in my career. You have to advocate for yourself. That’s something I’m always reminding myself. It’s okay for me to ask, and put myself in settings where I belong or ask for things I deserve.

ZL: You’ve spoken about the gift of working on Obsession was that the crew behind and in front of the camera were the same age. That dovetails with your experience working on The Girl from Plainville, so I’m wondering if you can speak about the significance of working with peers who come from your generation.
ML: I think the biggest gift is walking away from production with friends.

I also appreciate the open dialogue that comes with working with people who are involved at various levels of production. I can have conversations with Curry from his experience as a writer/director. I can talk with Haley and draw from her expertise as a producer. There's not always an open dialogue when you’re working with someone older. Of course, you can get great mentorship, but it’s also nice to be able to just call Haley and say, “Hey, this is going on. What are your thoughts on it?" And she can give me her perspective as my friend. That’s invaluable. There’s a hierarchy, of course, but it felt like less of a hierarchy than normal. 

We’re all able to move forward as a collective. I already did another project, it's a short called Broken Branches with Haley and a lot of the same crew from Obsession.

ZL: I love tracing the love language of physical touch throughout Bear and Sarah’s relationship; she’s the one to hug him at the bar, and she leans her head on his shoulder. Those are such tender moments that make the ending so much more tragic, so I’d love to hear about how you think about the role of physical touch between these characters.
ML: Some of those moments were intentional in the script. The hug at the bar was written, and also Sarah putting her head on Bear’s shoulder. Also, as a person, physical touch is one of my top love languages, and I feel like I definitely wove that into the dynamic between Sarah and Bear.

When Sarah hugs Bear at the bar after he tells her about Sandy, that holds so much weight and power for me. It is such an outreach of connection and empathy for Sarah from my perspective. After that, when they're going back to their cars, and he doesn't want to go to karaoke, I hug him goodbye. If you take any notice, there's a moment where I squeeze his shoulder. I have this lingering look on him, just milking every moment of connection that I can.

It’s just so easy for me to imagine because I've been in that situation, and that's how I express my love, too.

It’s our job as actors to be present in the moment, with your scene partners, and believing in the circumstances your character is in. That's what's so fun about acting, all these other things about the world around you slip away, and you're in this moment of connection and so present in the story. It's like when you're a kid, your imagination is so wild. You actually believe you're Superman. You actually believe you're talking to yourself with your dolls, and you're believing it. As actors, you just drop into that childlike imagination where you believe.

It can be hard the older you get because you have an adult mind that understands reality and logic, but the goal is always to just find yourself, get yourself to believe in your imagination, and use it.