
‘The Dating Game’ follows a group of single Chinese men trying to get dates
The Sundance documentary wrestles with the tensions of modern masculinity in overt and subtle ways
"The Dating Game" premiered at the 2025 Sundance Film Festival and will be available to stream from Jan. 30 to Feb. 2.
Courtesy of Sundance Institute; photo by Wei Gao
Words by Siddhant Adlakha
Violet Du Feng's The Dating Game is a documentary on edge, presenting a group of young men in Chongqing, China who are desperate to learn social protocol to get a date, and are willing to listen to any advice they're given. However, the lingering questions posed by the movie's tensions around misogynistic pick-up-artistry are gradually answered—sometimes, by the subjects themselves—with surprising depth and self-reflection, even though the movie seldom leads to rigorous ends.
The result is an empathetic and amusing exposé of the trickle-down effects of China's one-child policy. The ruling, in effect from 1979-2015, had a number of social ripple effects, including the presence of 30 million more men than women (though this is sometimes disputed). Either way, it means the young men in question had no sisters or aunts to guide them, or in whom they could confide, or from whom they could learn perspectives on gender norms beyond their own parents. One of the three men in question cites his father's emotional distance as a reason for his social awkwardness, in a surprisingly candid sit-down.

"The Dating Game" follows a group of men in Chongqing, China learning to date.
Courtesy of Sundance Institute; photo by Wei Gao
The crux of the film unfurls in tongue-in-cheek fashion. Its three main subjects take tips on approaching women and sprucing up their dating profiles from the slightly older and more experienced Hao. While the group seems to be friends at first, it's gradually revealed that Hao is not only married, but a popular dating coach, and the other men are his latest clients. Surely, this makes him an authority on women, then? Well, not quite.
The advice Hoa gives is brazen, a “strategic deception” involving gamifying social cues in person and online, from his subjects’ attire and hairstyles, right down to the comments they leave on women’s social media. It could be seen as manipulative were it used by more confident, shameless, or toxically aggressive men, but in the hands of the movie's subjects, it's mostly harmless—if a little awkward. The trio mostly struggles with maintaining authenticity, and with approaching women in public. When they finally try, the rising tension caused by their advances is quickly deflated when they immediately back off after swift rejection. This is, perhaps, the best case scenario for Hao's advice, though it may not be how the Andrew Tates of the world navigate similar courtship.
There's a darker side to Hao's advice, lingering just out of frame, and while The Dating Game doesn't expound on it, the documentary's constant search for more emotionally detailed video diaries yields surprising nuance from its subjects, including Hao. In fact, the negative effects of his perspective can be seen rippling through his own marriage to Wen, a dating coach in her own right, whose professional advice to single women differs greatly from her husband's, with a greater focus on self-worth and self esteem. However, while this dynamic is certainly broached, resulting in tense exchanges, its most intriguing evolutions happen either off-screen, or between significant time jumps, resulting in the presentation of a problem while skipping over its potentially arduous solution.

The documentary showcases the social and dating norms of men in China.
Courtesy of Sundance Institute; photo by Wei Gao
The Dating Game is, by and large, a film of implication through absence—for better or worse. Its confessional interviews are entertaining, but its focus on the unsaid is at least mildly unsettling, offering up possibilities on which the documentary's own characters are left to introspect. It's Hitch for the modern era, a film that puts into sharp perspective the evolution of social and dating norms in the digital age—with the specifics of how men in China feel left behind—that too, without ever giving in to incel claims of a "male loneliness epidemic," created by women's rejection. However, it seldom guides the viewer towards anything more concrete or rigorous than mere observation.
For a film so jovial on the surface, The Dating Game walks a fine tonal line with care and precision, and shows empathy towards a group of men who might not otherwise find it from their own kin. However, it may not be piercing or probing enough to approach the root causes of the problems it suggests.
The Dating Game premiered this month at the 2025 Sundance Film Festival. It will be available to stream from Jan. 30 to Feb. 2.
Published on January 24, 2025
Words by Siddhant Adlakha
Siddhant Adlakha is a critic and filmmaker from Mumbai, though he now lives in New York City. They're more similar than you'd think. Find him at @SiddhantAdlakha on Twitter