Love isn’t blind, and it won’t shield Asian men from harmful stereotypes either

Netflix’s Love is Blind is currently in its ninth season, with the reunion out on Wednesday, and with each passing iteration, the premise seems to be on less solid footing. Early in the show, contestants said they wanted to be known for their hearts—even by someone they might not typically date in the real world. At its best, people are able to meet each other without letting outside factors influence who they choose, especially if their “type” hasn’t typically worked out for them. Instead, the cast is meant to date solely based on their emotional capability and talk about the real things that matter to them, which sets up a strong foundation for their relationship.

Without the ostensible distractions of looks, outside opinions, and the world, the show opens up space for more vulnerable and honest connections because that’s the only way to connect since people can’t physically be in each other’s presence. For some contestants, the show’s format offers an opportunity for people to talk about what they care about, which may include conversations about race and identity, what family means to them, and what a life could look like together.

But at its worst, the show reinforces stereotypes and confirms your worst fears about just how hard it can be to find someone who loves you for everything you are. As viewers, we only see a portion of the pods, in which people have 10 days to date each other and potentially get engaged, sight unseen—all based on the conversations they have through a wall. Four weeks later, couples who go the distance arrive at their wedding date.

In recent seasons, the pod episodes of Love is Blind have taken up more than half of the entire show’s runtime, and it’s where we learn more about the dynamics of the couples that get engaged as well as those who get pretty close, but no cigar. Season nine centers on Denver, a city where the cast bemoans the dating scene and expresses their willingness to try this show to see if things will be different this time.

Among the lineup of contestants is Patrick Suzuki, a construction manager who shares that it’s been difficult to date as an Asian man in Denver, a predominantly white city. His family immigrated to the United States from Cambodia, and he was the first person in his family to graduate from college. He talks about wanting to be loved for exactly who he is, and it’s not a baseless fear. Studies on dating apps like Tinder suggest that Asian men’s and Black women’s profiles are swiped right on the least. Research from OKCupid confirmed similar findings, with non-Asian women giving Asian men a rating between one and two stars less than what they usually rate other men.

These studies also echo Suzuki’s insecurities, especially after being told that he’s “attractive for an Asian guy.” He’s proud of his identity as a Chinese and Cambodian man, but he still has fears about being loved as he is. Unfortunately, this isn’t new either. Chinese men in particular haven’t been portrayed as being romantically desirable in the media with few exceptions. Plus, while discriminatory laws like the Chinese Exclusion Act of 1882 (which restricted Chinese laborers from immigrating to the United States and placed restrictions on Chinese people who were already in the United States), Geary Act of 1892 and Immigration Act of 1924 were repealed throughout the 1900s, these laws had a lasting impact on the perception of Asian American men.

Then there’s Anna Yuan, a hairstylist who came onto the show looking for an emotionally mature partner who aligns with her values and cares about family as much as she does. She shares that her parents wanted her to find a nice Chinese man, but many of the men she dated were not. As Yuan and Suzuki start to connect in the pods, they bond over the fact that their families immigrated to the United States, the challenges of dating in Denver, and the fact that both of them typically date white people. Still, they seem open to their connection regardless of their usual type, which feels true to the premise of the entire show.

As their time in the pods progresses, both Yuan and Suzuki bond over wanting to take care of their parents as they get older. They also connect over how they don’t usually date other Asian people, but they do feel the spark with each other and are grateful that the pods brought them together. It was gratifying to see an Asian couple connecting on screen, especially since there have been so few Asian couples in the show’s run. I appreciated seeing them be so open with each other about their identities, and it felt like a promising start to their relationship.

Suzuki also goes on a few dates with Kacie McIntosh, his other main connection in the pods. He shares about growing up as the only Asian person in class, but only after being asked by McIntosh to share his ethnicity explicitly. Based on the editing, this is something Suzuki mulls over before responding, because he doesn’t want to be judged for being Chinese and Cambodian. In an interview that came out a week after the pod episodes dropped on Netflix, Suzuki shared that he knew he wanted to talk about being Asian, especially with someone he was possibly going to marry, and he wanted to make sure he was doing it “correctly.” As therapist Steph Anya shares in her initial reactions to this season, this could have been an opportunity for McIntosh to ask him questions about his cultural identity or where his fears of rejection come from. Instead, McIntosh chooses to comfort him by saying that most of her siblings date non-white people.

Later on, Suzuki enters the pods expecting to have another date with Yuan, his strongest connection. To his surprise, she’s nowhere to be found and has actually left the experiment entirely—all without saying goodbye. In an interview with Tudum, Yuan shared that she didn’t feel comfortable being so vulnerable on camera and was worried about what her family would think of the process.

Suzuki ultimately proposes to McIntosh in the pods, who breaks up with him shortly after their first post-pod, in-person meeting. In many ways, Suzuki’s worst fears seem to have come true with McIntosh sharing that she doesn’t think her attraction would grow for him. McIntosh later clarified that the bigger issue was that Suzuki felt like a stranger to her, but I imagine it’s hard for Suzuki not to feel like he wasn’t “enough” for any number of reasons.

Season nine of Love is Blind has proven to be the least successful of all, ending with no marriages. The reunion will reveal more about where these couples are at today, and I’m sure the hosts will pose the question, “Is love truly blind?” to everyone involved. It’s hard to imagine building a relationship—let alone a marriage—without open conversations about identity, family, and belonging, which can involve the impact of stereotypes that have shaped our sense of self.