F*ck Around and Find Out with Anna Lee: What’s Your O Face?

Our resident sexpert answers your most pressing questions

Words by Anna Lee

F*ck Around and Find Out with Anna Lee: This is the modern sex advice column you didn’t know you needed, focused on finding confidence in your own pleasure through knowledge and research! Think a fresh reimagining from the days of those pink, star-studded magazine sex advice columns like “10 Ways to Please Your Man” that we all grew up with. In my journey from growing up in a strict, immigrant Korean household, scared of my own body, to my current reality as co-founder of a smart vibrator company and certified sex educator, I realized how much we need to destigmatize the cultural taboo around sexual pleasure. So, hold my hand (if you want to, of course) and together, let’s fuck around and find out every nook and cranny of this sexy world. 🙂 

Have a question you’d like me to answer? Keep ‘em coming by submitting it anonymously here!

Hello beautiful people. Is everyone enjoying summer?! The flowers are in full bloom, the sun is still out at 9 p.m., and my body is full of Aperol Spritz. There’s something about writing my sex advice column in the summertime that is really making me feel one with Carrie Bradshaw…but like an Asian-living-in-SF version of her. I hope you all continue to indulge with me on this newest F*ck Around and Find Out. I fall more and more in love with doing these every time. Y’all really ask some questions that get me laughing. You are all the best.

Is it normal for my anal muscles to be stronger than my vaginal muscles during double penetration? -Anonymous

Heck yes! Have you ever tried sticking a finger in your vagina versus your butthole? Having a finger in the butthole feels like your finger is getting choked out, as if it owes your butthole money. Meanwhile, a finger in the vagina feels like those special, firm hugs you get when you finally see your childhood best friend again who now lives 2,000 miles away. You know what I’m saying, right?

Speaking more from an anatomical perspective where I’m not making you imagine The Simpsons as your body parts, we all have this mighty group of muscles that are called pelvic floor muscles. They are responsible for holding your internal organs up and tightening the openings of the anus, urethra, and vagina (if you have one). This is what controls your ability to pee, poop, fart, ejaculate, and support babies during pregnancy. They are hard workers, and we should love them dearly! Now, the reason why you noticed the anal muscles feeling way stronger during double penetration is because there are rings of muscles at the opening of the anus called the internal and external sphincters. It’s what keeps you from involuntarily pooping your pants, which means they are quite strong. On the bright side, you have conscious control over your external anal sphincter and putting pressure on the rectum wall will help relax your internal anal sphincter. This is why all anal 101 advice starts with mentally getting calm and starting with a small toy or finger to help all your anal muscles relax!

Finally, in case you are truly a “show, don’t tell” kind of learner, lucky for you. I took one for the team and double penetrated myself with two Lioness vibrators to measure both the vaginal and anal force.

Tada! You’ll see that the anal force is way higher through the whole masturbation session.

Which masturbator sleeves do you recommend for men? -Anonymous

I’m going to be very honest and say I’ve spent the past eight years obsessing over the sex toy industry but….sex toys for penises aren’t my forte. It’s mainly because I selfishly like things that make ME feel good, and I can’t masturbate with a sleeve in any kind of satisfying way. However, with that said, there are two sleeves I own that many of my penis-owning friends have seen at my house and have gone from scoffing at me saying, “Nah, I don’t need those things,” to texting me a few weeks later, “Okay, I bought it and tried it. It’s really good, damn it.”

One is the Japanese brand, Tenga Egg. They’re these cute egg-shaped masturbator sleeves made out of this really squishy material that I love playing with. Tenga is known for their squishy material. The other one is what I would probably consider the Optimus Prime of masturbators, a Norwegian brand called Handy. It's pretty intense looking and it has to be plugged into a power source while using it, but I’ve heard great reviews from my friends that have tried it and I’m mesmerized by it. If I had a penis, it would be the first thing I’d stick it in. 

*Note* I don’t have any incentives for suggesting these products by the way. They are just genuinely two brands I think make cool sleeves and I’ve played around with at home. Actually, yeah, what the heck, I’m giving them free advertisement. Can I interest you in a Lioness Vibrator instead? Hehe, kidding, kidding.

Why do we all make such similar, weird orgasm faces? -Anonymous

I’m so glad someone asked me this because I actually have a research study inside my brain’s Rolodex I can point to. There was a research study that was published back in 2018 that went viral with the general public after getting covered by publications like Newsweek, Vice, and Cosmopolitan. In the study, the researchers wanted to see if previous findings were correct that the orgasm faces were very similar to faces in pain. A total of 144 participants from Western and East Asian cultures were shown 3,600 computer-generated faces and they had to determine if it was a face made from pain or an orgasm. And the results? The results haunt my dreams:

They found that while faces in pain were quite similar in both Western and East Asian cultures, orgasm faces were different between the two cultures. The researchers bring up in the discussion portion of their paper that the divergence could be from people’s mental representations being exaggerated as well as cultural differences like Westerners valuing excitement and enthusiasm while East Asians tend to value “low arousal positive states, which are often associated with closed-mouth smiles.”

For me? I don’t know what to make of this honestly. I’ve never seen anyone make any of those faces, and now I’m wondering if I’ve been doing it wrong this whole time. HA.

Love y’all. Until next time.

I promise you that there is truly NO question too unhinged for F*ck Around and Find Out with Anna Lee. Have a question you’d like me to answer for the next article? Submit them anonymously here!

Published on July 26, 2023

Words by Anna Lee

Anna Lee is the co-founder and Head of Engineering of Lioness, the women-led sexual wellness company that built the world’s first and only smart vibrator. Anna was previously a mechanical engineer at Amazon, launching the Amazon Dash Button’s original concept and the Kindle Voyage Page Press Technology. She is a Forbes 30 Under 30 alum and has been covered in numerous publications like Fast CompanyGlamour, and Popular Science, as well as Paper Magazine’s Asian Women Creators You Need to Know and Buzzfeed’s 14 Sex Tech Founders Who Are Changing The Way The World Thinks About Sex. Anna is also a prominent sex education creator on TikTok with nearly 400,000 followers. She is a big advocate of expanding understanding and research in sexual health, and destigmatizing female sexuality.