F*ck Around and Find Out with Anna Lee: Va-jay-jay May!
This month, our resident sex advice columnist celebrates all her favorite things
Words by Anna Lee
F*ck Around and Find Out with Anna Lee: This is the modern sex advice column you didn’t know you needed, focused on finding confidence in your own pleasure through knowledge and research! Think a fresh reimagining from the days of those pink, star-studded magazine sex advice columns like “10 Ways to Please Your Man” that we all grew up with. In my journey from growing up in a strict, immigrant Korean household, scared of my own body, to my current reality as co-founder of a smart vibrator company and certified sex educator, I realized how much we need to destigmatize the cultural taboo around sexual pleasure. So, hold my hand (if you want to, of course) and together, let’s fuck around and find out every nook and cranny of this sexy world. 🙂
Have a question you’d like me to answer? Keep ‘em coming by submitting it anonymously here!
Hello my sweet hotties! We have officially arrived to what I consider every year to be my holy trifecta month because it’s my birthday month, AANHPI Heritage Month, AND Masturbation May. Like, tell me this month isn’t made for me! In celebration, I’m going to answer questions around a topic that is near and dear to my heart (metaphorically, not physically): the vagina. To me, womanhood is hard as it is and we shouldn’t also have to deal with a laundry list of vulva- and vagina-related fears we won’t ask our doctors! That’s why I’m celebrating my special month in hopes of answering some of your questions about the good ol’ beard clam. Or bare clam. I’m not judging here.
I recently started dating someone and every time he tries to go down on me, I get nervous because I feel gross down there. I get in my head thinking that I taste bad and he’ll be grossed out that I can’t enjoy it. Helpppp! -Anonymous
I’m not even kidding when I tell you, just a few months ago I had the shower thought: “Are we actually afraid of our vaginas smelling bad or is it manufactured by companies trying to sell us on the idea of a vanilla-scented vagina?” When I was growing up, I vividly remember those commercials about those damn douches and the women laughing as they frolic through a flower field.
Do we need scented vaginas?
The Society Pages
It was one of my canon events growing up to be scared of my own body. If I ever meet the person who invented douches, I’m definitely throwing punches. But listen to me, okay? I’m going to be a little vulgar but I really want to drive the point: If that man is trying to go down on you repeatedly, he freaking loves the taste of your pussy!!
I think a lot of us grew up in a society where they tried to shame us into thinking that our bodies were gross and we need to buy a ton of products to fix it, but the reality is, the only time the vagina will be truly “off” is if there is something wrong like an infection. Otherwise, the vagina will taste…like a vagina.
So next time things are getting hot and heavy, here’s a trick to hopefully help you get over the fear, all while making it super hot. Make intense eye contact with him while you lick your finger, slowly reach down and touch yourself, and then bring your finger back up and taste it. All while you never break eye contact with him. This way, you’ll have peace of mind knowing exactly how you taste AND he’ll find it so hot that he won’t even care how you taste. You got this :)
My boyfriend made a comment that the idea of sucking the clitoris is weird and he prefers to lick. Is sucking the clitoris uncommon during oral? -JW
I don’t know how to break it to your boyfriend, but a few years ago when the sex toy industry introduced suction toys, people lost their minds. It’s still, to this day, one of the most popular styles of sex toys with the sole purpose to mimic the sucking of the clitoris. A woman once told me while I was in a sex toy shop that she was like a, “newborn lamb learning to walk again” after she tried a suction toy for the first time. I mean, do you need a better review than that?!
If I was to make an assumption, I’m guessing your boyfriend might be tripping over the word “sucking” to imply “sucking a dick” since that’s how the word is most often used in sex. But I promise you, it’s common and it’s good. Real good. Also, can I make the note from your question that even if HE prefers to lick, what do YOU prefer? Because whatever technique is pleasurable for you means it’s not weird. Even if you were into wearing clown makeup and being in a headstand while he goes down (up?) on you, if you like it, I’m here for it.
For me? It’s the getting-a-gentle-but-firm-suction-on-the-whole-clit-while-you-use-the-tip-of-your-tongue-to-flick-the-clit for me.
Why is my vagina skin darker than the rest of my body? Is it normal? -DL
Yes, absolutely! Just as the question about tasting “gross” down there, this fear of our vulvas looking weird has been perpetuated by some bad apples in porn and corporations trying to sell you products claiming to whiten your vulvas. As I wrote that, I just had a moment of realizing that society has really used all five senses—smell, taste, sound, touch, and sight—to try and manipulate us into being embarrassed of our vaginas. That’s kind of wild isn’t it?!
Don't let corporations manipulate you into being embarrassed of your vagina.
Courtesy of Anna Lee
Anyways, to simply answer your answer. It is completely and absolutely normal for the skin of your vagina to be darker than the rest of your body. It mainly comes from hormonal changes and genetics. During life phases like puberty, pregnancy, or just general aging, hormones tend to increase melanin production in the skin and they just kind of decide to go to places of your body like the elbows, armpits, and vulva. You just gotta let melanin do what melanin wants. Don’t you worry!
I promise you that there is truly NO question too unhinged for F*ck Around and Find Out with Anna Lee. Have a question you’d like me to answer for the next article? Submit them anonymously here!
Published on May 23, 2024
Words by Anna Lee
Anna Lee is the co-founder and Head of Engineering of Lioness, the women-led sexual wellness company that built the world’s first and only smart vibrator. Anna was previously a mechanical engineer at Amazon, launching the Amazon Dash Button’s original concept and the Kindle Voyage Page Press Technology. She is a Forbes 30 Under 30 alum and has been covered in numerous publications like Fast Company, Glamour, and Popular Science, as well as Paper Magazine’s Asian Women Creators You Need to Know and Buzzfeed’s 14 Sex Tech Founders Who Are Changing The Way The World Thinks About Sex. Anna is also a prominent sex education creator on TikTok with nearly 400,000 followers. She is a big advocate of expanding understanding and research in sexual health, and destigmatizing female sexuality.