F*ck Around and Find Out with Anna Lee: This is the modern sex advice column you didn’t know you needed, focused on finding confidence in your own pleasure through knowledge and research! Think a fresh reimagining from the days of those pink, star-studded magazine sex advice columns like “10 Ways to Please Your Man” that we all grew up with. In my journey from growing up in a strict, immigrant Korean household, scared of my own body, to my current reality as co-founder of a smart vibrator company and certified sex educator, I realized how much we need to destigmatize the cultural taboo around sexual pleasure. So, hold my hand (if you want to, of course) and together, let’s fuck around and find out every nook and cranny of this sexy world. 🙂
Have a question you’d like me to answer? Keep ‘em coming by submitting it anonymously here!
Hello, my beautiful horndogs! It’s the beginning of the best month of the year because it is AANHPI Heritage Month, Masturbation May, AND it’s my birthday month (Gemini chaos forever!). Tell me this month is literally not made for me to answer all your questions for my sex advice column in JoySauce. Thank you all for sticking with me so far, I’m truly one lucky duck. Now, let’s not waste chitchat on this intro paragraph because I got a question that I am obsessed with relating to the show Friends and I need to get to it ASAP.
Have you seen that episode of Friends when Monica is trying to explain to Chandler the erogenous zones for foreplay on a woman, what do you think she was referring to for each number? -AH
My jaw absolutely dropped on the floor when I got this question because I LOVE FRIENDS SO MUCH and this is a GREAT question. In case you need a refresher on this scene, Chandler tells Monica and Rachel that he’s nervous to have sex with his new girlfriend, Kathy, because she was previously with his best friend/Italian stallion, Joey. To give a woman’s perspective, Monica explains to Chandler that there are seven erogenous zones in a woman and that men typically go to erogenous zones: 1, 3, 7 and “then set up camp.” However, according to Monica, she said the order should actually go: 1, 2, 1, 2, 3, 3, 5, 4, 3, 2, 2, 2, 4, 6, 2, 4, 6, 4, 2, 2, 4, 7, 5, 7, 6, 7, 7, 7,7, 7, 7, 7, 7, 7, 7, 7! Then at the end of the episode, you see Kathy running half-dressed and disheveled to Monica’s house to thank her!
Now, I’ve seen a few diagrams people have made online, but I have a bone to pick with them.
All the diagrams online keep saying the butt is one of the seven erogenous zones, but the flow just doesn’t make sense to me! In this specific scenario of Monica’s, the flow would be too clunky to have the butt be Zone 5. I think the true zone that’s missed is that sensitive area between the belly button and vulva. Tell me you haven’t licked that area and gone wild over it. (...Did I just expose myself?) That little part right below your belly button is way, way hotter. Let’s be real. Now, if I was making this diagram with the erogenous zones numbered? This is what I think it’d be:
Yes, I’m fully aware my drawing skills are the absolute opposite of erogenous, but I dare you to fight me on my take on the zones. It’s perfect.
Anna, give me something random I should incorporate into sex this week. -SW
Wow, being asked this prompt makes me feel powerful, like I’m some sort of sexy version of ChatGPT. With this great power, I’d like to bestow onto you an, in my opinion, underrated activity that everyone should try this week: temperature play. Temperature play is typically categorized under BDSM erotic play, where you use hot and cold elements like ice cubes or wax to heighten your senses. Not exposing myself or anything, but my suggestion for mind-blowing temperature play if everyone involved is on board? Get some glass dildos and butt plugs and have them sitting in a bowl of either ice water or warm water, blindfold your partner, and keep ’em guessing where you’ll touch them and whether it’ll be hot or cold. A sudden warm sensation in the mouth, an icy touch on the nipples, both a hot and cold combo on the inner thigh…you see what I’m getting at?! You’re welcome, buddy.
What sensual touches can I do for my girlfriend if I do not like cuddling. -NP
Ooh, not a fan of the human burrito experience, eh? Not to be biased, but the little spoon in me shed a single tear reading your question. Hehe. Assuming your partner is on board with your non-cuddling shenanigans, there are plenty of touches I think that could be playful, sweet, or sensual that can make your girlfriend feel loved. It can really be as simple as rubbing her back, giving forehead kisses, or even just linking pinkies while watching Netflix. The most important thing here is to make sure you communicate to her that you don’t like cuddling, but that you want to work together to come up with other ways to do touches that work for both of you. Because trust me, I’ve been in the situation where I sweetly turn over, primed to be the little spoon, and the partner just rolls the other way without warning and falls asleep.
When that happens, this is me:
Okay, let me just make one last point that there’s been some research showing that cuddling for at least six seconds can release oxytocin and serotonin to reduce stress. Like, it’s literally good for you. If a partner refuses to cuddle me for SIX seconds, just know I’m making them interlock toes with me for 12 hours straight.
I’m a girl in my mid-20s and I just started hooking up with this guy I really like, but I feel like I’m always overthinking and feeling self conscious during sex. I feel like I don’t know what I should be doing while we’re having sex to not be a “dead starfish.” Any advice? -Anonymous
These are the moments that the early 2000s Cosmopolitan Magazine would tell us we need to be performing some wild-ass, made up position like the “Astronaut’s Piledriver 8000” so that he’ll never leave. And like those times as a teen where I’d eat up every unhinged thing Cosmo told me, I wish I could list you five sex positions and say, “Ta-da! Now you know how to be a sex god!” But if I’ve learned anything while in the sextech space for the past seven years, I whole-heartedly am sure about one thing and one thing only to make sex better…and that is to find yourself unbelievably, undeniably sexy AF: sexy in how you like to touch yourself, sexy in how you like to get turned on, sexy in your own skin, sexy in how your body and genitals look. Take some time to admire your body and genitals in the mirror, masturbate often and figure out what works for you and what doesn’t, and be truly good to yourself. Finding this in yourself will help you find the confidence to just purely enjoy the moment without ever having to think or worry about “if this is correct.” I think everyone can agree seeing your partner during sex truly enjoying themselves and knowing what feels pleasurable for themselves is absolutely top tier sex. You’ll never be a dead starfish again, unless you and your partner are into that kink. ;)
Although now I’m curious how my brain even randomly pulled the name “Astronaut’s Piledriver 8000” and wondering what that would even look like, but let’s table it for the next column.
Love y’all. Until next time.
I promise you that there is truly NO question too unhinged for F*ck Around and Find Out with Anna Lee. Have a question you’d like me to answer for the next article? Submit them anonymously here!
Published on May 4, 2023
Words by Anna Lee
Anna Lee is the co-founder and Head of Engineering of Lioness, the women-led sexual wellness company that built the world’s first and only smart vibrator. Anna was previously a mechanical engineer at Amazon, launching the Amazon Dash Button’s original concept and the Kindle Voyage Page Press Technology. She is a Forbes 30 Under 30 alum and has been covered in numerous publications like Fast Company, Glamour, and Popular Science, as well as Paper Magazine’s Asian Women Creators You Need to Know and Buzzfeed’s 14 Sex Tech Founders Who Are Changing The Way The World Thinks About Sex. Anna is also a prominent sex education creator on TikTok with nearly 400,000 followers. She is a big advocate of expanding understanding and research in sexual health, and destigmatizing female sexuality.