F*ck Around and Find Out with Anna Lee: This is the modern sex advice column you didn’t know you needed, focused on finding confidence in your own pleasure through knowledge and research! Think a fresh reimagining from the days of those pink, star-studded magazine sex advice columns like “10 Ways to Please Your Man” that we all grew up with. In my journey from growing up in a strict, immigrant Korean household, scared of my own body, to my current reality as co-founder of a smart vibrator company and certified sex educator, I realized how much we need to destigmatize the cultural taboo around sexual pleasure. So, hold my hand (if you want to, of course) and together, let’s fuck around and find out every nook and cranny of this sexy world. 🙂
Have a question you’d like me to answer? Keep ‘em coming by submitting it anonymously here!
Hello, sweet hotties! Let me start this week by sharing a little story around the theme for this week’s sex advice column: TikTok. Last year I had a TikTok go viral when I talked about using a shower head to masturbate and how shower heads were a godsend growing up in a crowded family home. Somehow in the 19 million views, my brother was never one of them…until last week when he texted me in my group chat with him and my sister-in-law:
I was going to die from the horror and was getting ready to dramatically burn my social media accounts and this sex advice column down the ground! But then I was like, “No…not on Women’s History Month! I cannot be stopped!” So here I am—doubling down on the sex advice, family embarrassment be damned.
Haha okay, I’m being so dramatic, and in all seriousness, my brother has always been my best friend and my biggest supporter in my career. I love him dearly…but that text really did throw me into a loop.
So in honor of that story, this week I’m dedicating the column to all the sex questions submitted to me that started with, “So I learned from a TikTok that…”
Everyone on TikTok loves to roast shower sex and how it actually sucks in real life. Thoughts? - BQ
Ugh, I wish I could fight for this one but I have to also agree that it’s not my favorite place to have sex. It’s definitely not the worst, but it’s not the best. It’s because there’s never a big enough radius of hot water spray from the shower head to keep everyone warm, standing sex gets tricky when there’s height differences, and water surprisingly turns out to cause more friction than lubrication. I also get this little voice in my head during shower sex that with one misstep and slip, I might have to be rushed naked to the ER with my partner explaining our shower rendezvous mishap to the doctor. Very sexy thoughts, I know.
However, I’d like to take this moment to advocate for a much better wet location to have sex in: the bathtub. A li’l team bath is so much more sensual with your bodies nested and surrounded by warm water. AND while y’all are making out in the bath, you or your partner can slowly scooch down to the running faucet and let the water hit the clit (The OG bathtub masturbators know what I’m talking about). It’s a bit of acrobatics, but I swear it just puts bathtub sex in a category above shower sex. Then when things start to turn up, you can use the buoyancy of the water to alleviate the burning thighs from the squat pulse. Yes.
Does having anal make you constipated? I read a comment on TikTok about this happening. -TW
Hmm! I’ve heard many times before about the long-standing myth that anal sex actually alleviates constipation because it can simulate bowel movements (which is not true; let me emphasize again that it is a myth), but I haven’t particularly heard any experiences of anal penetration being the cause of constipation. It may be possible that you’re already experiencing some bowel irregularity before anal sex. I did text my favorite gastroenterologist for his thoughts on this and he said, “I haven’t heard of the constipation thing when doing anal. I suppose the simplest answer is you could literally be ‘packing the fudge’…though I suspect there may be other factors such as the motility of the colon that may be affected. Not sure though.” Packing. The. Fudge. He is truly my favorite GI doctor.
How often should I be doing Kegels? I see it on my TikTok FYP about doing them to the rhythm of a song. – Anonymous
I could go into a whole thing about how much I dislike “KegelTok” when there’s no context about what they’re for and why. I especially hate it when it’s for perpetuating the narrative of “loose vaginas” during penetrative sex. I could cry. If you are doing them because someone told you you’ll have better orgasms, media told you that “tighter is better,” or you’re trying to please your partner, STOP. IT.
The part folks in the media love to leave out about Kegels is that they need to be done correctly with the full range of squeezing AND relaxation of the pelvic floor muscles. However, research has shown that up to 40 percent of women did Kegels incorrectly with verbal instruction alone. I’ve heard from pelvic floor physical therapists time and time again that people tend to only focus on the squeezing when what most people need to be working on is relaxing the pelvic floor muscles. Imagine doing bicep curls but only doing the squeezing but not extending the arm back out! This can cause more harm (and pain!) than good.
Don’t forget that Kegels were originally created in 1948 by a gynecologist, Arnold Henry Kegel, to help aid urinary incontinence by strengthening your pelvic floor muscles and now also used for fecal incontinence, female genital prolapse, and pelvic pain. Talk to your doctor or a pelvic floor therapist to know whether you should be doing them, don’t just do them because some random person on TikTok told you to! Rant over.
I saw on TikTok that swallowing cum has benefits for the skin and health. Is this really true? - DV
You know what? My immediate thought was to say “no,” but then for a second I looked at my face in my phone screen’s reflection and thought, “Am I missing out on some Hollywood secret that my retinoids just don’t deliver?” So I dug a little deeper through research papers on semen’s benefits and…unfortunately there isn’t any concrete research to back up this claim. I think the longstanding myth comes from the fact that semen contains an array of things like proteins, urea, zinc, and spermine—all which have some sort of link to health and beauty products. However, the average amount of semen produced has such small amounts of all of these things that you wouldn’t see much impact, if any, to your health. Like, if I was looking to add more protein in my diet, I’d probably just reach for a hard-boiled egg over semen. With all this said, swallowing cum isn’t necessarily unhealthy, unless you have an allergy or there is risk for STI transmission. It can add a level of intimacy to a relationship, and obviously, a fulfilling sex life DOES have health benefits…just don’t eat infected cum.
Edit: Y’ALL. There is this K-beauty product I’ve been using for years called KAHI Seoul Multibalm that comes in this iconic pink stick if you’ve ever seen it featured in K-dramas. Well, I was just informed that the main ingredient is “salmon pdrn” which is made from salmon trout sperm so I’ve apparently been rubbing sperm on my face for years. HAHA. So the lesson here is: What do I really know about semen’s benefits? Do what makes you happy. If cum brings you happiness, you swallow and rub that cum all over you.
Love y’all. Until next time.
I promise you that there is truly NO question too unhinged for F*ck Around and Find Out with Anna Lee. Have a question you’d like me to answer for the next article? Submit them anonymously here!
Published on April 5, 2023
Words by Anna Lee
Anna Lee is the co-founder and Head of Engineering of Lioness, the women-led sexual wellness company that built the world’s first and only smart vibrator. Anna was previously a mechanical engineer at Amazon, launching the Amazon Dash Button’s original concept and the Kindle Voyage Page Press Technology. She is a Forbes 30 Under 30 alum and has been covered in numerous publications like Fast Company, Glamour, and Popular Science, as well as Paper Magazine’s Asian Women Creators You Need to Know and Buzzfeed’s 14 Sex Tech Founders Who Are Changing The Way The World Thinks About Sex. Anna is also a prominent sex education creator on TikTok with nearly 400,000 followers. She is a big advocate of expanding understanding and research in sexual health, and destigmatizing female sexuality.