F*ck Around and Find Out with Anna Lee: Need help finding your G-spot?

Happy Lunar New Year, my lovely, curious sex nerds! It’s the Year of the Fire Horse! To be honest, I don’t know too much about it, but my aunt tells me it’s supposed to be a good year for me, full of surprises and high energy, and you know what? Literally the day after she texted me that, I posted an Instagram reel of my yearly masturbation habits and it ended up going viral with 1.3 million views! I’ll take that as a sign to keep grinding it out here in the world of sex science. Keep sending me all your questions and I’ll keep up the high energy to answer them! 

What exactly is the G-spot? I’ve tried using a dildo and my fingers to reach like the spot 2 inches inside towards my belly button. It feels kind of good but I’m not sure it’s exactly it. -PL

Oh, the mythical, legendary G-spot. As a Gemini who loves niche community drama, there is no better center of drama than Miss G-spot who has had a whole lot of scientists passionately disagreeing with each other for years.

So here's where things stand. The term comes from a German doctor named Ernst Gräfenberg who described an erotic zone on the front wall of the vagina back in 1950. Since then, researchers have been going BACK AND FORTH trying to pinpoint what part of the body actually defines the spot. Some say it's the Skene's glands (which are also thought to be involved in squirting). Others think the sensation comes from stimulating the internal structure of the clitoris. Some say it’s 2 inches in. One researcher literally called it a "gynecologic UFO: much searched for, much discussed, but unverified by objective means." Iconic sassy behavior from the science community.

Unfortunately, there’s been no conclusive definition of what actually is the G-spot beyond “that area that feels good inside the vagina” because in different studies, women reported feeling it in different spots, and some women said they didn’t even feel like they had a G-spot at all!

If there's anything to take away from this thrilling, messy topic, it's this: don't worry if what seems to work for everyone else doesn't work for you. And on the flip side, if you've found certain things that feel amazing but no one else seems to talk about? That's your body being the brilliant, one-of-a-kind thing that it is. And honestly, if a "gynecological UFO" is what gets people curious enough to explore beyond the clitoris, I'm kind of here for it.

I’ve read on Reddit that Kegels could make sex feel better for my husband since my pelvic floor muscles will get tighter. How often should I do them? -Mira

I have a very strong love-hate relationship with Kegels. I love them because I love pelvic floor physical therapists and the amount of good that Kegels can do for your health when done correctly under the guidance of one. But I hate them because somewhere along the way, the media and TikTok turned Kegels into this "squeeze your way to better sex" thing without any of the important context, and it drives me a little nuts. So thank you for asking, because this is one of my favorite topics to nerd out on.

My favorite fact to tell people is that the sensation of "tightness" during sex actually isn't about the width of your vagina at all. It's about the motion and coordination of your pelvic floor muscles. My second favorite fun fact is that the vagina is elastic! It expands and shrinks back. The whole "loose vagina" thing is a myth. And you know what, if the world turns upside down and one day it turns out not to be a myth, feel free to curse me to sail through the Earth’s atmosphere by my vagina flaps.  

Now here's the part that might surprise you. Pelvic floor therapist Rachel Gelman has pointed out that most people who do Kegels on their own only focus on the squeezing and totally skip the relaxation part. She compares it to flexing your biceps all day without ever putting your arms down. Eventually, that's going to cause problems! Overdoing Kegels without proper guidance can actually lead to pain during sex, which is very much the opposite of what we're going for here.

So personally, I am a lazy lover, so if I had to work on a muscle group for better sex, I would work on my quads so I can be on top longer without my legs cramping up after 15 seconds ;) 

I promise you that there is truly NO question too unhinged for F*ck Around and Find Out with Anna Lee. Have a question you’d like me to answer for the next article? Submit them anonymously here!