F*ck Around and Find Out with Anna Lee: Make it hot with ‘Heated Rivalry’

I would wish everyone a happy January, but I think it's more appropriate to inaugurate this month as the month of Heated Rivalry. I can't tell you how much time I've spent watching dissections and reaction videos on TikTok, or how deeply I've fallen in love with Hudson Williams and Connor Storrie interviews. That's pretty much all I'll remember about how I kicked off 2026. Maybe y'all should write in more questions about the show’s sex scenes so we have an excuse to dedicate the next column entirely to the show? I joke, of course. (Kind of.)

Just wondering if anyone else has this problem. I can get physically aroused using my fingers on my clit/vulva like, actually wet and everything but when I switch to a vibrator, my body just doesn't respond the same way unless I'm rubbing it exactly like I do with my fingers. Is this normal? I really want to be able to use a vibe in a lazier, more relaxed way, but honestly I'm not even sure they feel better than fingers at this point. I've also noticed it's easier to orgasm with fingers than a vibrator, even when I try to mimic the same movements. I think the vibration might just be too intense for me? -H

I think this is totally common and I've heard many variations of something similar. For some people, it's that they can only orgasm with toys but not fingers, or only with a specific toy, or even only with a specific person! I think there are really two things that could be happening here in your case.

One: Your brain might have developed a preference for a specific kind of stimulation to get to an orgasm. If you've been masturbating with fingers for a while (which, same...showerheads and fingers were my OGs), your body knows that slower, gentler, more precise motion really well. Vibrators deliver sensation in a completely different way, and sometimes that mismatch can feel like a lot of noise without the payoff, if that makes sense.

If you're wanting more options that don't require as much manual work, I'd keep exploring toys but maybe look for ones that go really low in intensity and have more of a "thuddy" vibration versus a high, buzzy one. Thuddy vibes tend to feel deeper and less surface-level overwhelming, which might vibe better (sorry, had to) with your preferences.

Two: Here's something I find really interesting. Vibrators can sometimes be a shortcut to orgasm without actually building up enough arousal first. For you, it sounds like that arousal buildup and blood flow to the area is a big part of what makes fingers work so well.

In this case, instead of using a vibe with the goal of having an orgasm, try using it as a teasing tool. Grab a small bullet vibe with a very low setting and some pattern options, and use it to lightly stimulate your clitoris while you're building arousal. Not to finish, just to keep things interesting. You might find that once you've built up enough, the orgasm sneaks up on you without even trying.

Don’t forget that experimentation is half the fun :) 

How would you suggest that I introduce toys in our sex life? -Anonymous

My favorite strategy for introducing anything new in a relationship is planting seeds. It’s all about dropping little ideas into conversation and letting the thought marinate in your partner’s head. Because I would assume for most couples, springing a 20-inch dildo from your nightstand without previous conversations wouldn’t fare well. (Although it would be funny in a rom-com.) So how do you do it?

Make it playful! Pick a night when you're both relaxed. Maybe a Friday with takeout and zero responsibilities. Say something like, "I was thinking it could be hot to try something new together. What do you think would be fun?" Keep it open ended. Make it a shared brainstorm instead of a you-versus-them situation.

If your city has a sex toy shop, make it a little field trip date! You don't even have to buy anything. Half the fun is wandering around like, "Wow, this one looks like it came out of a sci-fi movie," or, "This lube is to simulate a unicorn’s fluids, what a journey." It turns the whole thing into curiosity instead of pressure.

And remember, you can start tiny. A pretty blindfold. A new lube. A vibrating finger toy. Think upgrades, not overhaul. The goal is to open a door and explore together.

I’m going to assume you are a woman of taste and you have watched Heated Rivalry. So…? What’s your favorite scene? -Anonymous

You are so thoughtful because, yes, I AM a woman of taste. Did I have to watch it by cramming myself in the corner of the upstairs bedroom in my family home during the holidays so that no one could hear Shane Hollander and Ilya Rozanov banging it out? Yes. Did I watch every TikTok reaction video of episode five and tear up every time I hear the lyrics from that iconic scene, "Give me your eyes. I need sunshine"? Yes.

Okay, but aside from the classic episode five ending, the scene that really did something for me was 35 minutes into episode two. When Ilya drags that damn chair and commands Shane to touch himself while he watches. Because I don't know how many times I have to preach this. I TOLD YOU. I TOLD YOU MASTURBATING IN FRONT OF YOUR PARTNER IS HOT.

I always get those naysayers who are like, "Oh no, I'd be too embarrassed to do that in front of them," or "Why would I do that? I don't see the appeal." Well, look at freaking Shane and Ilya. Now they're living out our dreams in a cottage!

I promise you that there is truly NO question too unhinged for F*ck Around and Find Out with Anna Lee. Have a question you’d like me to answer for the next article? Submit them anonymously here!