F*ck Around and Find Out with Anna Lee: This is the modern sex advice column you didn’t know you needed, focused on finding confidence in your own pleasure through knowledge and research! Think a fresh reimagining from the days of those pink, star-studded magazine sex advice columns like “10 Ways to Please Your Man” that we all grew up with. In my journey from growing up in a strict, immigrant Korean household, scared of my own body, to my current reality as co-founder of a smart vibrator company and certified sex educator, I realized how much we need to destigmatize the cultural taboo around sexual pleasure. So, hold my hand (if you want to, of course) and together, let’s fuck around and find out every nook and cranny of this sexy world. 🙂
Have a question you’d like me to answer? Keep ‘em coming by submitting it anonymously here!
Hello, my beautiful horndogs! You didn’t think I’d wrap up Masturbation May without one more column dedicated to answering your questions about mastering the baiting did you?! Flicking the bean? Shaking hands with the milkman? Playing 5v1? Polishing the pearl? Okay, I’m sorry, let’s begin…
Do a Buzzfeed-style list of the craziest things you’ve masturbated with. -JM
HAHA. I know you probably didn’t think I’d answer this one when you submitted it. But during Masturbation May?! You bet your bottom dollar I’ll fulfill my utmost duty as your resident dildo fairy to give people what they want. I’m slightly modifying your question to be more of a list of some of the silliest masturbation moments I’ve had in life:
1. Achoogasm: The time I had COVID and had the worst sinus congestion of my life and masturbated just to see if it would clear it up…and it did for like 20 minutes. And a doctor at Cleveland Clinic apparently had the same idea.
2. Doing it for Science: The time I masturbated every day for an entire month with detailed data entries for every session so that a data analyst could see if there were any good statistical significance results in the data. This was hard work, y’all.
3. Frankenstein Vibes: The time where we were hand-building vibrator prototypes with wires and sensors, silicone sleeves, and 3D printed plastic and we had no one to test it with but ourselves. This should have qualified as my final exams to get my engineering degree. It’s the true faith test in your own engineering skills.
4. Family Horrors: The time when my TikTok went viral about me using showerheads to masturbate when I lived at home and my brother saw the video and texted me, “Anna I used to shower there too.” This is forever etched into my brain.
5. Caught in 4K: The time my friend called me out on never having used the Lioness Vibrator anally to prove that the orgasm data looks the same vaginally or anally, so I tried to DP myself using two Lionesses at the same time but I accidentally turned one of them off halfway so it didn’t record the data. The wildest part was that my home security camera was running and caught me accidentally turning one off and me going, “NOOOOOOOOO,” because I had to DP myself all over again.
Need a beginner and affordable dildo or vibrator and don’t know where to start looking. I hear glass is nice? - Anonymous
You’re going to hate me for this answer because I know it’s so much easier if I just gave you the names of three sex toys that are going to blow the socks right off your feet (hey, why are you wearing socks while you’re masturbating?!), but I’m going to have to say the dreaded, “It depends on you. Everybody is different!” I can’t tell you how many vibrators I’ve been tricked into buying from influencers raving about it on social media and been so disappointed because it wasn’t my vibe (sorry but this joke wasn’t as bad as that dang, TikTok-famous rose suction toy). So I don’t want to lead you astray into buying something that I love but you might hate. However, I can offer my three golden rules on choosing a toy!
Rule 1: It needs to be made of a non-porous, body-safe material. Let’s be real, it’s already hard enough getting up after having an orgasm to wash your sex toy with warm water and mild soap so imagine if the toy is porous and harbors bacteria—it becomes nearly impossible to clean thoroughly. Stick to toys like 100 percent platinum-cured silicones, glass, stainless steel, and ceramic. I have a special hatred for that semi-translucent/clear-ish rubber and anything made of jade mineral…they are both porous and shouldn’t even be allowed to be sold as sex toys!
Even if you’re early in exploring what kind of things you like, dislike, might like, and might hate sexually, it’s helpful to start taking note of the things that pique your interest.
Rule 2: Does it make you go, “That could be really fun?” Even if you’re early in exploring what kind of things you like, dislike, might like, and might hate sexually, it’s helpful to start taking note of the things that pique your interest. For example, the sensations that you like: Do you like a deep, rumbly sensation or a high buzzy sensation? Maybe you feel like you’d want something really strong in vibration like the Magic Wand or want to utilize your bath faucet with something like the Waterslyde? What about where you like the sensation? On your nipples, on the clitoris, the perineum, or the butt? If you happen to have some sex toy shops near you, I’d highly encourage you to go in person to check one out. They have a ton of toys on display so you can touch and feel…and maybe one of them will strike you like love at first sight. I have one I got four years ago that is still on my Top Three roster to this day…should I put a ring on it? hehe.
Rule 3: Pass on the reviews. This is a bit of a hard one for me to write out so explicitly into the universe and it does come with some caveats because I absolutely know there are people who review toys with complete authenticity and work hard to help spread sex-positive knowledge. But there are also, like with a lot of products even outside the sex toy world, a lot of paid, disingenuous reviews out there to confuse the hell out of you with promises that it “makes you cum 82 times in 15 seconds.” I really believe in the saying “different folks, different strokes” so I’d recommend you defer back to my Rule 2 and just find one that makes you feel like, “Hell yeah, I wanna try that!”
I just bought myself a few sex toys, but every time I start to enjoy some me time, I feel a deep sense of guilt and shame. Is this normal and how do I get through it so I can start to enjoy myself? – CD
Almost everybody masturbates, it’s not only just completely normal, but it’s been shown in study after study that it’s GOOD for you. It’s perfectly natural and healthy.
This is a common sentiment I’ve heard many times throughout my career and something I can personally relate to as well. I hope you don’t feel alone in this and also so excited for you to have bought some toys. That’s a badass, powerful action in itself! There are many reasons so many of us go through this sense of shame—for me, it was especially being brought up in a culturally conservative and religious family. In fact, I was pretty much scared of my own body and it was hard to see myself as a sexual being well into my mid-20s. I think it’s important to address for yourself WHY you might be feeling the sense of guilt. I also want to leave you with this statement that I deeply believe with every ounce of my being, and if I was on Who Wants to be a Millionaire, I would lock this in as my final answer without hesitation. And it’s this: Almost everybody masturbates, it’s not only just completely normal, but it’s been shown in study after study that it’s GOOD for you. It’s perfectly natural and healthy. Also if that doesn’t convince you, research has also shown that masturbating could potentially help improve cognitive function as older adults! If not for the orgasms, do it for the health benefits, the better sleep and reduced headaches.
Love y’all. Until next time.
I promise you that there is truly NO question too unhinged for F*ck Around and Find Out with Anna Lee. Have a question you’d like me to answer for the next article? Submit them anonymously here!
Published on May 28, 2023
Words by Anna Lee
Anna Lee is the co-founder and Head of Engineering of Lioness, the women-led sexual wellness company that built the world’s first and only smart vibrator. Anna was previously a mechanical engineer at Amazon, launching the Amazon Dash Button’s original concept and the Kindle Voyage Page Press Technology. She is a Forbes 30 Under 30 alum and has been covered in numerous publications like Fast Company, Glamour, and Popular Science, as well as Paper Magazine’s Asian Women Creators You Need to Know and Buzzfeed’s 14 Sex Tech Founders Who Are Changing The Way The World Thinks About Sex. Anna is also a prominent sex education creator on TikTok with nearly 400,000 followers. She is a big advocate of expanding understanding and research in sexual health, and destigmatizing female sexuality.