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F*ck Around and Find Out with Anna Lee: Grab Bag Edition

Click for some of our readers' most random sex questions, stay for Anna's absolutely excellent diagrams

Words by Anna Lee

F*ck Around and Find Out with Anna Lee: This is the modern sex advice column you didn’t know you needed, focused on finding confidence in your own pleasure through knowledge and research! Think a fresh reimagining from the days of those pink, star-studded magazine sex advice columns like “10 Ways to Please Your Man” that we all grew up with. In my journey from growing up in a strict, immigrant Korean household, scared of my own body, to my current reality as co-founder of a smart vibrator company and certified sex educator, I realized how much we need to destigmatize the cultural taboo around sexual pleasure. So, hold my hand (if you want to, of course) and together, let’s fuck around and find out every nook and cranny of this sexy world. 🙂 

Have a question you’d like me to answer? Keep ‘em coming by submitting it anonymously here!

Hello, my beautiful people! I’m currently coming to ya while sitting on a train en route to Amsterdam. I don’t know what’s more romantic than traveling across Europe in a train writing about sex things while eating a German Subway sandwich (don’t judge me.)

This week, I’m sifting through some of the older questions that were submitted that I didn’t have a chance to chime in on yet! So this one’s a bit of a grab bag, but sometimes we love a bit of randomness in the sex world, don’t we?

Why is the skin around the genitals darker than the rest of my body? -AA

Let me be the first to confess that I’m 100 percent guilty of Googling this multiple times growing up because I fell into that classic trap we all know very well: “But it doesn’t look like that in porn!” And I hope we all know this by now, but what’s usually the response to that statement? “You’re fine and normal, porn isn’t real life.” And this goes for the darker skin around the genitals. It’s extremely common and normal. There are many reasons this happens to most people: aging, friction, puberty, etc. More scientifically, the melanocytes, the cells responsible for producing melanin, will produce melanin pigments when there are shifts in your sex hormones. On top of this, the melanocytes in the areolas and genital regions have a significantly higher amount of proteins that respond more effectively to hormone changesthus the darker coloring!

I know there’s things like vulva and anal bleaching that try to perpetuate insecurities about our already complicated existenceand I’ll never be someone to say what you should or shouldn’t do with your body…but don’t you think a vacation in the Azores sounds like a better use of the cost? ;)

Just couldn’t help myself- I just HAD to make this diagram.

Courtesy of Anna Lee

Does peeing after sex really help? -DW

Oh man, I remember the first time I ever had a urinary tract infection (UTI), during my freshman year in college. I was hunched over in a stall in the co-ed dorm bathroom with the constant feeling of needing to pee but nothing coming out except a little blood. Thanks to my horrible sex education growing up, I was thoroughly convinced I was dying. After a brief call with the college advice nurse expecting her to tell me to call 911 and say goodbye to all my loved ones, all she did was giggle and told me she thinks I had a very common UTI that just needed a little antibiotics, and that I should probably try to pee after sex in the future. How come no one teaches you this growing up?!

Now, although there hasn’t been definitive research papers published proving that it reduces the risk of UTIs, it’s pretty much accepted advice that doctors and even the CDC recommend since peeing in general helps flush out any bacteria. Although people with penises can also get UTis, generally the urethra is longer and harder for the bacteria to travel all the way up compared with people with vulvas! Fun fact.

Anyways, my point is, it doesn’t hurt to make it a practice to pee after sex. I know sometimes all you want to do is just lie there and cuddle, but just imagine me being hunched over a toilet in a college dorm bathroom thinking this was my last dying moment all because I didn’t pee after having sex.

Accurate depiction of the event. (Do the dorm bathrooms still look this sad?)

Courtesy of Anna Lee

What unpopular sex act do you highly recommend? -Anonymous

Unfortunately, I don’t know what’s considered an “unpopular” sex act since there isn’t like a Billboard 100 on what’s hot and what’s not for sex…although that’s kind of a cool idea. Someone make a startup. But to answer your question, I’ll give you my personal answer of something I would personally like to do more of because I know that it’s been great each time I’ve done it. It’s to take it REALLY, really slow with a lot of build-up, a lot of edging, and a lot of being in the momentand this goes for both solo and partner play. I don’t know about y’all but I usually have a million things running through my head about what I need to do for work, how much sleep I need to try to get, what errands I need to accomplish so that I end up “slotting in” sexy time rather than just letting it “be.” However, I know that every time I’ve taken hours leading up, building a good, aroused mood with tons of stop-and-go foreplay, then had the sex itself just be slow and sensual, it has led to some of the best orgasms I’ve ever experienced. The ones that would be called earth-shattering. Isn’t it a little silly that I know how amazing it can be beyond my normal orgasms but still not do it very often? One of life’s funny mysteries. 

Should you explore kinky sex early in your relationship with that person or later? -Anonymous

Ooh, I really like this question! “Kinky sex” is a really broad, catch-all term for all sexual acts that deviate from what is “conventional.” There’s no exact medical definition but it’s commonly agreed that it includes BDSM, group sex, fetishes, voyeurism, and fantasies. I think the beautiful thing about kinky sex is that it requires so much active practice of building trust and communication with your partner(s) and yourself which are probably great foundations in a relationship in general outside of sex. There are so many ever-growing paths and new paths to what kinky sex can look like in your relationship, so don’t feel like there is a deadline for when to start exploring this within your relationship.

It can really start as simple as asking while cuddling in bed, “What are some things that you’ve been wanting to try but aren’t sure about?” to texting a photo of blindfolds with the words, “Thoughts?” Who knows, maybe that simple conversation will lead y’all to creating sex dungeon floor plans with fucking machines and cages. It’s also worth noting that there was a study done back in 2013 between 902 BDSM practitioners and 434 control participants. They found that the BDSM group were “...less neurotic, more extroverted, more open to new experiences, more conscientious, and less rejection sensitive.” So get it, kinky lovers. Be safe, be consensual, and have fun!

Here’s me passing some German farms as I finish writing this article.

Courtesy of Anna Lee

Love y’all. Until next time.

I promise you that there is truly NO question too unhinged for F*ck Around and Find Out with Anna Lee. Have a question you’d like me to answer for the next article? Submit them anonymously here!

Published on October 10, 2023

Words by Anna Lee

Anna Lee is the co-founder and Head of Engineering of Lioness, the women-led sexual wellness company that built the world’s first and only smart vibrator. Anna was previously a mechanical engineer at Amazon, launching the Amazon Dash Button’s original concept and the Kindle Voyage Page Press Technology. She is a Forbes 30 Under 30 alum and has been covered in numerous publications like Fast CompanyGlamour, and Popular Science, as well as Paper Magazine’s Asian Women Creators You Need to Know and Buzzfeed’s 14 Sex Tech Founders Who Are Changing The Way The World Thinks About Sex. Anna is also a prominent sex education creator on TikTok with nearly 400,000 followers. She is a big advocate of expanding understanding and research in sexual health, and destigmatizing female sexuality.