F*ck Around and Find Out with Anna Lee: Fix my oral and wrist game

My sweet, sweaty angels (excluding everyone living in San Francisco because for some reason it’s still a consistent 62 degrees here), summer is in full swing. I was scrolling through some of my old columns from last year to see what I was up to, and funnily enough, I was also about to write in this intro about how I’ve been spending my last two weekends casting silicone dildos for fun. Apparently, I wrote about casting dildos last summer too! There must be something about the season that really awakens my inner dildo sculptor. Anyway. DIY dildos aside, let’s get into this month’s sex questions, shall we?

Can I train my situationship to eat me out better or is it a lost cause? What do I do if he sucks at oral but I don’t want to hurt his feelings. HELP. ME. -Anonymous

Okay, but like...how far off is he? I don’t think this is a lost cause unless he’s sucking on your kneecap thinking it’s your clit. If that’s not the situation, I have hope. With a little communication and some practice, we could be looking at the next Mr. Coochie Gobbler Universe. Or at least runner-up.

Now, to get there, you’re going to have to take the first and hardest step—the one that earns me the Gen-Z stare when I bring it up. You're going to have to talk to him about it. And no, it doesn’t mean you need to drop a confrontational bomb like, “Hey, I think you suck at oral,” because that’s not helpful and also a little mean. Depending on how close you feel to this situationship and how comfortable you are with confrontation, you can keep it honest but soft. But I’ll admit, I myself am not the most confrontational person, so even I know my own advice can be easier said than done.

Here’s what I’d actually do. I’d make it a little more fun and a little more mutual. Start by asking him what kind of oral he loves receiving and genuinely listen. Be curious. Ask clarifying questions. Then, the conversation will probably naturally slide into you talking about what you like when it comes to oral. If things are flowing and the mood is right, this can lead to a little spicy show-and-tell. Educational and hot. Genius, right?

Just remember, like with any new skill, it takes time and practice. But no, this isn’t a lost cause. You got this. And if it turns out he is a lost cause...well, DM me. I’ll give you a hand-casted dildo. Kidding, kidding. 

My wife (43F) loves the missionary position because of the clitoral stimulation she gets from having my body pressed up on her but I (44M) have been having wrist pain from having sex in the missionary position. Do you have any advice on sex positions that would still give access to the clitoris without killing my wrists? -Jordan 

While I haven’t personally experienced wrist pain while doing missionary since I’m the one relaxing on my back, I can empathize. My hip flexors have absolutely betrayed me mid-cowgirl more times than I can count. The mind is willing but my joints are inflamed.

That said, I’ve got you, Jordan. It sounds like the key for your wife is that clitoral pressure from having your body against hers, so the goal here is to preserve that contact without putting crazy pressure on your wrists.

Let’s start with some missionary adjacent options. One you can try is having her lie on her back with her legs lifted in a tabletop position (o_|¯ <- you see the vision?), and you stand and lean your body over at the edge of the bed. That way, you're still getting that body-to-clit contact, but you're using your legs and core to stabilize rather than balancing on your wrists.

Some more rapid-fire options: ditch the hands and drop down to your forearms to spread out the weight along your arms and take the pressure off your wrists entirely. Or maybe something as small as holding onto her hands with interlacing fingers with her during missionary could help. It keeps your wrist straight instead of rotated out and it’s also romantic as hell.

If none of these feel right and the wrists just won’t quit, don’t forget the MVP option: bring in a toy. A small external vibe can keep that clitoral stimulation going no matter what position you're in. Doggy, cowgirl, sideways missionary, spooning, whatever you two feel like trying. Pleasure doesn't have to come from just one source and adapting can actually open up a lot more fun to explore together. 

I promise you that there is truly NO question too unhinged for F*ck Around and Find Out with Anna Lee. Have a question you’d like me to answer for the next article? Submit them anonymously here!