
F*ck Around and Find Out with Anna Lee: Embrace who you are!
This month's advice is all about learning to love yourself, both emotionally and physically
2025 is the perfect opportunity to explore your sexual horizons!
Henry Wu
Words by Anna Lee
F*ck Around and Find Out with Anna Lee: This is the modern sex advice column you didn’t know you needed, focused on finding confidence in your own pleasure through knowledge and research! Think a fresh reimagining from the days of those pink, star-studded magazine sex advice columns like “10 Ways to Please Your Man” that we all grew up with. In my journey from growing up in a strict, immigrant Korean household, scared of my own body, to my current reality as co-founder of a smart vibrator company and certified sex educator, I realized how much we need to destigmatize the cultural taboo around sexual pleasure. So, hold my hand (if you want to, of course) and together, let’s fuck around and find out every nook and cranny of this sexy world. 🙂
Have a question you’d like me to answer? Keep ‘em coming by submitting it anonymously here!
Happy 2025, my sweet, beautiful people! I don’t know about you but I’ve had such a slow and warm start to the year, where I’m finding myself every night, burrowed on my couch with a weighted blanket and fuzzy socks and just being. So in celebration of my cozy season era of just being, this month’s column of F*ck Around and Find Out is dedicated to questions that explore embracing who we are as people, just as we are. No more and no less. Just vibes. Enjoy!
I’m pretty vanilla in bed and I feel like it’s not cool to be vanilla nowadays. Help! - Jeanie
Oh, my sweet, sweet vanilla bean! Even though chocolate was the first flavor of ice cream, invented in the late 17th Century, do you know what flavor has stood the test of time as the most popular flavor to this day? That’s right, it’s mother effing VANILLA. It’s timeless, versatile, and beloved. Just like you.
When people say “vanilla” in the bedroom, they’re usually referring to what society views as “standard” sex: think missionary position, no fancy gadgets, no BDSM fucking machine in the basement. It’s the good ol’ reliable, and it’s common. But just because it’s common, doesn’t mean it’s bad or boring.
For some odd reason people like to toss “vanilla” around as an insult—like it means you’re unimaginative. But I see it differently. The way I look at it, everything in this world is this ever-swinging pendulum, and when it comes to sex, we’re currently on an upswing where we are starting to talk more openly about sexual preferences, kinks and BDSM. And that’s wonderful because it’s important that people feel free to express themselves. My gripe comes with the fact that we should celebrate that without frowning on the opposite side of the sex swing. Because, listen, I just KNOW everyone loves the missionary position every now and then. Don’t y’all lie to me.
Also, can we talk about the fact that even within vanilla, the possibilities are endless? There’s bourbon vanilla, French vanilla (oh la la), vanilla bean (and you know how much I love the bean)! You can still explore and spice things up while staying true to your vanilla vibe. Maybe that means experimenting with lighting, setting the mood, or trying new positions within your comfort zone. You do you.
A few years ago, I (F) got a divorce after being married (M) for 10 years and am now back in the dating world! I feel like I don’t know what’s popular in the sex world anymore. What positions are in? -MT
First of all, welcome back to the world of dating. If there was a World Sex Positions Award Show, my invite must’ve gotten lost in the mail because I didn’t get to see which one won! But here’s the thing: I’m not sure there’s a definitive list of “in” or “out” positions.
That said, if I had to guess, the positions that are trending now are probably the ones that prioritize clitoral stimulation. The full anatomy of the clitoris wasn’t even fully mapped out until 2005 (shoutout to Dr. Helen O'Connell for doing the Lord’s work), meaning we are still finding ways to highlight the magic bean. So positions that allow for clitoral access and stimulation like sideways spooning with your leg wrapped over the other person’s body, or even good ol’ missionary with a pillow under your butt for a little internal clitoral stimulation would be winners in my book.
But here’s my real, honest advice I’d give my best friends. Sift through some sex position listicles or Sabrina Carpenter’s Juno positions and find the ones you want to try. Then you tell that person that the position was voted “Most Popular Position of 2025,” and you want to try it. If they question you, just say you heard it from Sexpert Anna. I’ll back you up on it.
I tend to watch gay porn when masturbating. Does that make me gay? -Anonymous
Watching gay porn doesn’t automatically mean you’re gay. The only thing that can determine if you’re gay is you. Sexuality is a beautiful, messy, complex thing, and what turns you on in porn doesn’t always align perfectly with how you identify, or who you’re attracted to in real life.
For porn itself, I like to think of it as an exploratory space where you can get introduced to dynamics, scenarios, and sexuality that may or may not reflect your real-life preferences. Watching gay porn might mean you’re curious, it might mean you’re exploring, or it might just mean you’re into the chemistry, the visuals, or the passion. But if this question is poking at something deeper, like a curiosity or a “huh, maybe I’m into this?” vibe, I hope you can lean into it and explore that on a deeper level. Sexuality is fluid and can be whatever you want it to be: gay, straight, bisexual, pansexual, etc. That’s what makes it fun…just as much as watching porn can be. ;)
I promise you that there is truly NO question too unhinged for F*ck Around and Find Out with Anna Lee. Have a question you’d like me to answer for the next article? Submit them anonymously here!
Published on January 30, 2025
Words by Anna Lee
Anna Lee is the co-founder and Head of Engineering of Lioness, the women-led sexual wellness company that built the world’s first and only smart vibrator. Anna was previously a mechanical engineer at Amazon, launching the Amazon Dash Button’s original concept and the Kindle Voyage Page Press Technology. She is a Forbes 30 Under 30 alum and has been covered in numerous publications like Fast Company, Glamour, and Popular Science, as well as Paper Magazine’s Asian Women Creators You Need to Know and Buzzfeed’s 14 Sex Tech Founders Who Are Changing The Way The World Thinks About Sex. Anna is also a prominent sex education creator on TikTok with nearly 400,000 followers. She is a big advocate of expanding understanding and research in sexual health, and destigmatizing female sexuality.