After ‘Love Is Blind,’ Emma Betsinger still believes in love

But out of this season came many stories of friendship, explorations of identity, and the art of starting over. All of these things ring true for Emma Betsinger, who is reflecting on her journey that was filmed over a year ago. She sees two seasons of life: pre Love is Blind Emma from a year ago, and post Love is Blind Emma. “I’m focusing on self-love and platonic love, especially with the girls I met in the pods and all the people and family that were with me throughout and beyond the show,” she says. “I’m excited for romantic love to come but for now, I’m focusing on filling my own cup and surrounding myself with people who love me for me.”

Betsinger got engaged to Mike Gibney on the show, but they ultimately didn’t make it to the altar. During the show, viewers saw their connection grow, including Betsinger sharing her story as someone who was adopted into a white family and didn’t know much about her birth family. “Growing up in a white community, I often didn’t feel like I belonged and didn’t have a connection to my Chinese heritage,” Betsinger says. “After the show aired, people reached out to me about being an adoptee, and I feel like I’m (now) able to authentically explore my Chinese heritage…This journey has been a reminder that it’s never too late to start again.”

Post show, Betsinger has also been exploring her heritage, starting by learning more about her family of origin. “I’ve been asking my parents more questions about my adoption and the orphanage I came from, and involving my parents in my journey of exploration,” she says. “I’ve been able to connect with so many Asian American women who have reached out (after the show aired).”

Betsinger also underwent multiple surgeries from a young age to remove birthmarks that had a high risk of developing into melanoma. As a result, she often felt like people would notice her physical scars first when she would go on dates. That’s part of the reason why the premise of Love is Blind felt like an opportunity for Betsinger to date people who got to know her for who she was on the inside first and foremost—a premise of the show that isn’t always realized but feels true in this instance.

The pods were also a place where Betsinger learned more about herself. “Before the pods and this whole journey, I was aware of my upbringing and surgeries. Those were things I walked hand in hand with as someone growing up in Minnesota,” Betsinger says. “I felt ready for this show but when you’re on this journey, you’re finding love in this pressure cooker of self-discovery. You’re also dating in a different way, sitting wall to wall with someone for 20 minutes to up to three or four hours. As Mike and I continued to talk and I shared more about my childhood—which ignited some things I had suppressed or thought I had processed—I (developed) this level of confidence that I didn’t have before and didn’t know I could have.”

One of the main topics of conversation was the fact that Betsinger was on the fence about having kids and could only imagine doing so with the right partner. Part of the reason was that she was adopted and didn’t know what genetic conditions she might pass down to future children. It’s a decision that shouldn’t be taken lightly, and Gibney promised that he didn’t want to force Betsinger in either direction; however, he was clear in the pods that he wants kids.

Interestingly, both Gibney and Connor Spies, who were Betsinger’s main onscreen connections in the pods, respond to her hesitation about having kids by saying that she’d be a good mom because of what she’s gone through. What feels lost in all of this is that being a good parent and wanting to be a parent are two different things. Equally important is the fact that some people don’t feel pulled strongly one way or another. “I didn’t realize being on the fence about having kids would be such a big conversation and resonate with people,” Betsinger says. “I am open to it, but it’s not a dealbreaker. If it comes, it will come with the right partner, and that’s the next stage of life we get to go on. (As) I was working through that in real time, Mike had questions that hadn’t been asked before, and I was also vocalizing my thoughts.”

As the show aired, there were many conversations about whether it was possible for two people to get married if they had different opinions about wanting kids. Betsinger’s story represented being in the middle, or simply wanting to have kids with someone who’d be an active partner with a strong foundation of stability and security. “I’m honored to be able to represent that space and open up that conversation. In the past month, I’ve learned that there are opinions on both sides, and many people pulled one way or another,” Betsinger says. “I can live my life with or without kids but right now, I’m focusing on myself and where I want to be.”

If Betsinger were to go back to give her pre-Love is Blind self any advice, it would be to listen to her heart and have a little more discernment. “I fell in love with Mike as a person, but I also fell in love with the potential for a future,” she says. “We were so compatible, but I wondered if I was sacrificing parts of myself to fit…I’m proud of myself for following my heart and unlocking parts of myself that I didn’t know that I had in me, but I also wish I had found the balance of what I wanted in the future versus what was on my heart.”

Betsinger reflected on this season of Love is Blind in one of her latest Instagram posts, sharing that being on the show was a journey for love and a journey back to herself that reminded her to listen to her heart. “A year later, I’m walking away with a deeper sense of self-trust and understanding, incredible friendships, and the reminder that sometimes the wildest leaps of faith lead you to where you’re meant to be,” Betsinger wrote in her post. “Thank you to all who have reached out to me showing your own support (and) vulnerability. It means so much to entrust me with your stories and you all show so much strength sharing them.”